Taking the Challenge Out of Writing Words of Sympathy

By Michelle Pommells

Words of sympathy can be difficult to find when your friend or family member is struggling to cope with a major loss. Though you desperately want to show sympathy and express your sadness at what they may be going through, it is very challenging to know what to say. What words can you use to bring comfort? What if what you say only deepens their pain? Finding the best words is often nerve wracking.

The fact is that what you say is less important than just being there. Your presence shows the griever you care and are only attempting to help, even when the words are less than eloquent.

Thankfully, finding the right words is not all that difficult. There are any number of websites online devoted to helping you find just the right message. As a start, it helps to ask yourself what you would find comforting in a similar situation.

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Is It Normal To Avoid Family And Friends After Losing A Loved One

By Alexander Risten

Shortly after losing a loved one, people tend to swarm the bereaved. The idea is to support the bereaved through family and friends. This is great and sometimes the bereaved are just to glad to have someone around; a shoulder to cry on, a soundboard to speak to, or just someone with whom to sit in silence. The problem is that sometimes we just do not feel up to having any contact with other people. We just want to be left alone. Sometimes people experiencing this ask me if it is normal. Society tends to frown on people showing asocial behavior.

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Managed Hope

by Linda Strause, PhD

It is often a long soul sitting journey; a journey filled with moments of joy, periods of despair, and the burden of life and death decisions. Although we put our trust in the hands of our doctor’s it is ultimately a personal decision when it comes to choices about care, and those choices become more limited as we approach the end of life. Hope is a good indicator of positive medical outcomes. Studies have found that a hopeful patient is more likely to experience good medical outcomes than a patient who has lost all hope. It is important to preserve this feature while balancing it against the reasonable expectation of success. Giving up hope of cure is not the same as giving up hope all together. Accepting the inevitability of death is not the same as giving up hope. One can still hope for love, comfort and solace in your final days.

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Use Social Networks To Cope With The Death Of Your Loved One

By Lou LaGrand

Social interaction when coping with the death of your loved one is crucial to adapting to life without the physical presence of him or her. Friends and family that we can rely on not only help us cope with change but play a major role in maintaining our heath. We must be the change agent to build and maintain our relationships now and for the rest of our lives. No one else can do this for us.

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Soul sitting the children of Sandy Hook Elementary. One Mother’s reflection.

This thoughtful reflection was issued by Kiva Leatherman of Wise Women Network the day after the Sandy Hook tragedy. These are words of a soul sitter. May they begin to repair our broken hearts.

From one mother to another...

Yesterday I had no words. But today I feel them beginning to pour out of me. We are a community of parents, and our hearts are broken. I don't know a mother who didn't shed tears yesterday.

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Can We Awaken Through Loss?

By Karen Mehringer

Loss causes us to ask the tough questions, "Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? It sends us on a journey of self exploration and discovery. It causes us to question the nature of reality. Who we thought we were is no longer. All that we knew to be true, all of our assumptions about life, are tossed into the air where they float in the void of the unknown, then re-organize and create a new picture... a picture of beauty, richness, color and texture.

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Liriodendron Tulipifera

It is late, and I am squeezed into a broken recliner in a pleasant room at a hospice center, waiting for my father to die. I flew all night to be here, so I really should be catching some sleep now. However Daddy woke me with a restless spell and I got up to see what I could do to comfort him; punch the morphine pump, slip a pillow under his back, or prop up his head. It’s all about keeping him comfortable now. There is nothing else to do. 

They’ve given him a crushed pill mixed in applesauce to help him sleep. His eyes are closed. His mouth hangs open. His breathing is shallow despite the oxygen tube tucked under his nose. It seems that every breath is an effort. He twists in the bed, trying to find a comfortable spot, but he’s too weak to change positions on his own, too weak even to lift his head, and when he can move a little it seems to bring him no better rest.

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My Father

By Sue Frederick

My dad, diagnosed with lung cancer four weeks earlier, has been in a coma for days, struggling for breath. My family takes turns caring for him at the hospital. I want to stay at his side today because I sense he's leaving. Yet it's my turn to babysit his five grandchildren-including my three-year-old daughter.

I kiss my dad on the forehead, tell him I love him and will see him soon. Back at Grandmother's house, I put the kids down to nap. Finally, they sleep. I'm free to meditate as I've done every day for thirty years.

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